The Pipe Band

Published: November 28, 2005

One of my favourite TV shows (along with “Myth Busters” and “Rock School”) is “The Office,” the American adaptation of the UK series. It’s full of office stereo-types (e.g., the vacuous boss, the toady, the back-stabber, the quiet wise person).

It got me thinking that there should be a TV show called “The Pipe Band.” Here are the stereo-typed characters I’d have in it (absolutely not based on anyone I know!):

The Confused Pipe-Major – a person who can’t make a decision and, when he does, it’s the wrong one. Think David Schwimmer’s character in “Band of Brothers.” His biggest talent is having a stentorian voice for the command at the trigger.
Mr. Hard Reed – the piper who constantly brags about how hard his chanter reed is, insinuating that others aren’t pulling their weight. Usually obese.
The Prima-Donna – a piper who thinks he’s much better than he is, clinging to insignificant solo prizes. Everyone laughs behind his back and encourages him to “give us a tune” at parties.
The Cynic – the guy in the band who tries to figure out an angle on everything. Every judge has a motive. Every draw has a consequence. Every tune has to achieve a purpose. He remembers what judges did what when, even going back decades. Remarkably, he can usually memorize tunes after only one play.
L-D BDC – agrees with the pipe-major all the time, then goes and does what he wants. Scores never complement the tunes. Professes not to like the “Best Drum Corps” prize, but is always caught listening intently at the march past/massed bands for the award after the band’s not in the list.
Mickey Can – there’s always one guy who, no matter how important the contest, will get sauced the night before. He averages about one new band every two years. Swears loudly. Every band has one.

Those are a few that come to my mind. Maybe other people have some casting ideas!



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