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I was poring over pipes|drums the other day, looking for news, gossip, the general down-low on piping, drumming and pipe bands. If you’re like me, you do this once or twice a day, so starved are we for regular scoopage. Sadly, our art produces little in the way of truly juicy scandals. We don’t seem to generate much in the way of the Kardashians, Brangelina, Newt Gingrich, or to be a bit parochial the scandalous machinations of the Stephen Harper government in Ottawa.

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My glance, however, hit upon a recent poll, where readers were asked to respond to questions about the age of the members of their various bands. The results of the poll were, at the very least, remarkable in the true sense of that word, and perhaps more accurately described as being akin to a smack in the gob. Or so it seemed to me. So here’s what was disclosed:

What’s to be made of this? Are pipe bands to be populated by geriatrics wandering loose from their retirement homes, caregivers calling for them to come home, playing old vinyl LPs from Shotts and Edinburgh cops on huge loudspeakers to beckon them on back?

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Now all of this is of particular interest to me. A few days since the date of this scribbling, my odometer tripped 70. If you think that sucks, you may be right, and you’re not alone. I have very strong views about the whole process of passing years (note my avoidance of the term “aging”). On one hand I actually don’t believe in aging. I ain’t doin’ it. On the other hand there is something inexorable and undeniable about the objective fact of the actual number of one’s years on the planet.

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See, there were times when I was the youngest member of the band . . . whatever band at the time. Now here it is with me as the character referred to by the 30% of the respondents to the poll, and it’s disquieting to say the least. I long for those days when folk would look at me rather adoringly and comment on how cute I was, patting me on the head, and stuffing small bills into fox-head sporran, standard gear that I wore for the gigs I was asked to play at.

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And it’s not the lost youth I mourn; it’s more the complete acceptance of, and affection for, a human being playing bagpipes. These gigs were a mixed bag to be sure: Shriners parades, Legion parades, Remembrance Day ceremonies, doing the haggis thing at Burns suppers, and even Orange parades on the 12th of July, following King Billy on his white charger, who seemed always to have a diet very high in fibre, and whose owner usually neglected to attach the customary courtesy bag to his hind-quarters. This created an obstacle course which often had the pipers both piping, and tripping along in sort of hip-hop version of a schottische. Little kids playing pipes get a skewed vision of what their piping career will really bring as they mature.

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The reward I speak of is the rejection and scorn we have all come to know. “A gentleman is someone who can play the pipes but doesn’t.” Or how about the octopus who can play any musical instrument and whose attempt at the pipes is turned into a ribald and vulgar joke?

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And now I fear the 60 to 70-plus members of pipe bands will bring about even more dislocation. Should we treat this as a manifestation of the phenomenon of aging population? Experts tell us that we will all have to work longer, retirement ain’t a slam-dunk, and our government old age security . . .

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packages are in jeopardy. These problems are beyond our control.

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However, continuing to play in a pipe band at some advanced stage of geezerhood is a choice . . . a choice one should consider carefully. And so I worry.

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Take the business of insurance. I received a note from my bank recently, thanking me for “your continued interest in our insurance program,” and then going on to tell me that at age 70, my insurance will be discontinued. Wha’? Yes, I have a continued “interest” in my insurance program . . . I want it to continue.

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My fancy travel insurance through my fancy credit card will drop by 50% at age 70. Say what?! If I get sick while travelling, it will only cast the system half because I’m 70.

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Oy-vey!

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So consider the geriatric piper off to some faraway pipe band contest who gets creamed by a runaway drunk driver. Too bad, bub; cough up half.

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Actually the only safe place to get sick or hurt while on a piping venture is Scotland, because if you need a hospital there the National Health Service cares for you. Period. No questions asked; no demand for a credit card, no demand for proof of insurance. Are you listening, US Republicans?

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It’s not just insurance. There is no end of foreseeable problems that could arise. The glaucoma stricken piper can have someone guide him into the circle. Maybe not so bad, as this kind of happens now, but make that piper a senior as well, and you can see the potential.

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But what about the piper using a walker (a “Zimmer” for those in the UK)? You can’t push and pipe at the same time. Or consider the wheelchair-bound musician. They don’t make wheelchair accessible pipe band competition circles in my experience, and the ground we march over getting into the circle is definitely not wheelchair friendly.

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But maybe there’s a bright side. If the age of band members continues along this trend, contest organizers will be compelled to change the rules. Bands will be permitted to form up in the competition arena in any way they see fit, and in a fashion that eases their halt and lame members into position with minimum risk of injury, and thenstart to play. This would see most of them performing while facing the audience!start to play. This would see most of them performing while facing the audience!

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“C’moan, Jummie, they’ll never dae it! Bloody revolutionary! It’s they Canadians and they Aussies behind this crap!”

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Maybe so, but I have often dreamed of qualifying for the Scottish Bar, and taking on some neat litigation over there, say, a class-action on behalf of composers against the appropriate defendants ( they know who they are) for compensation for their wrongful use of copyright material at the World Pipe Band Championships. What a hoot.

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But to return to the topic at hand, perhaps it would be lawsuits in every corner of the pipe band world, relying on the local human rights legislation, claiming that if organizers don’t do something to help mobility challenged pipers and drummers on the top end of the age scale, their rights have been violated as a result of age discrimination. That would be fun.

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But not as much fun as I’m having now, playing in a pipe band.

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The group of world famous pipers and drummers who hit the road last week on the “Pipes & Sticks On Route 66” tour have embarked on a one-of-a-kind journey, and members of the team have offered to provide pipes|drums Magazine readers with an exclusive travel log on the adventure.

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Drummers Mike Cole and Jim Kilpatrick and pipers Stuart Liddell, Angus MacColl and Willie McCallum are taking three weeks to traverse the old US Highway #66, playing recitals and conducting workshops along the way. In this first instalment, Willie McCallum brings us up-to-speed on the final preparations for the trip, as well as observations on getting on the road and hitting their first destinations.

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pipes|drums readers can look forward to several more updates to the travel log as the Pipes & Sticks group winds its way from Chicago to LA ¨C a historic first for piping and drumming along a highway paved in American history.

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The guys met up late on Tuesday night, April 3, 2012, in Chicago, the Windy City. Wednesday was spent getting used to the time difference for the Scottish members of the group, sorting out logistics for the concerts, sorting out merchandise and importantly, trying to put together material for the concert and the running order. Lots of small detail in all of this.

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Unpacking the new instruments from Pearl Drums, McCallum Bagpipes and Premier, we are all impressed what we have for the road. We need to get some air through the pipes, new chanter reeds and chanters need some playing. Moisture is a challenge as there is much lower humidity than the pipers are used to at home . . . we’ll get used to it. Jim and Mike are setting up their new drums. All the instruments are uniquely made for the trip.

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Wednesday evening we meet up at the fire station at Midway Airport in Chicago, where we will be part of an ensemble welcoming back the veterans from the Honor Flight Chicago. We are playing along with the Pipes & Drums of the Chicago Police Department, Chicago Fire Department Pipes & Drums and Fire Fighters Highland Guard of Naperville.

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We have never been transported through an airport this quickly ¨C same please from now on! This is an amazing experience with a huge crowd turning out to welcome these heroes back from a day trip to the WW2 Memorial in Washington, DC. It was a hugely humbling experience for us all.

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Thursday we had some more rehearsal and out at night to play an in formal pub gig. With the Chicago Blackhawks hockey team having made the playoffs, there is a large crowd there to see the game. We’re not going to argue with these bears! We start a little later than planned but it’s a good night and we meet some familiar faces.

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Friday we are on the road downtown to do the Chicago Architectural Boat tour. This is a great way to see the city and the views of the skyscrapers. The Sears Tower (now has a new name) is particularly impressive.

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The boys have sore necks looking up so it’s off to Harry Caray’s for lunch and a small refreshment. Harry was the famed baseball announcer for the Chicago Cubs.

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Next stop is walking to the start of Route 66 in Chicago, at Michigan and Adams. We’re now getting a feel that the journey will begin soon, this is the first step and one we’ve been planning for some time. Yes!

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Saturday night is the first concert at the Irish Heritage Center in Chicago. We’re all ready and we are happy with the way the concert goes in general, with some minor niggles to sort out in the future. Good to see some well-known piping and drumming faces there.

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Up early to get out of the hotel and pack everything for the road. Hmmm . . . slight problem as we realize it will take some major thought to get all our gear into the van. With a bit of input from everyone, we get there, with hardly an inch to spare. Like a big jigsaw puzzle. Add to that the fact that the cashier at the hotel can’t count very well, leaves us a bit later than expected.

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Easter Sunday and all the small towns on the route are pretty quiet. Odell, Illinois, has an old preserved gas station (a “petrol” station to the Scots!). Photo op.

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Although on Route 66 there are many places where the original road runs alongside, but is in a state of disrepair, some of it blocked off completely. Haven’t really found any ghost towns yet . . .

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We stop off in Pontiac, Illinois, a wonderful small town on the original Route 66, with some great murals painted by Bob Waldmire who bought an old school bus and toured Route 66. Cool town and many photos taken.

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We arrive in St. Louis at sunset and have great views of the Gateway Arch. Impressive and we feel certain we want to visit it, but the schedule might not permit.

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The Scottish Arms pub is our first stop. There’s quite a large crowd there to welcome us and hear us play so there’s an outdoor area out the back, open air, a really beautiful night with a big fire going. Great atmosphere for playing, so Stuart, Willie, Angus, Jim and then the band play a few tunes.

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Alistair Nisbet the owner of the pub, from Aberdeen, is very welcoming. Great night! We meet Kelly at the pub who asks us if we are going to be visiting the Arch while in St. Louis. Kelly works there and says she can get us in there right on opening time and up to the top in minutes. Decision made, we’re going before we hit the road for Tulsa . . .

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As the off-season presents itself in the northern hemisphere, select pipe bands that have had successful summer winning most of the prizes, or even dominating, their grade are hoping to make the leap up. The goal of almost all competing bands is to climb the grading ladder, but making the transition, no matter what the level, can bring substantial challenges.

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While the playing standard might be there, the psychological hurdles are perhaps the hardest to overcome. Bands moving up are used to winning and, more often than not, they won’t be making the prize-lists in their new grade. In essence, the have to trade the thrill of victory for the pain of defeat.

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Without doubt, historically the hardest jump is from Grade 2 to Grade 1. As Pipe-Major Robert Cupples of Cullybackey described it, “Grade 1 can be a graveyard for bands moving up.” A Grade 2 band can dominate their season, make the jump to the premier grade, and find themselves meeting the standard, but languishing for several years at the bottom-half of the results.

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How do you keep personnel motivated? How do you prepare for not winning? What needs to be done over the winter? How do you ensure that that positive momentum is sustained into the next year, and that you attract the new personnel to become even better?

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The Grade 2 Denny Dunipace Gleneagles Pipe Band of Falkirk, Scotland, enjoyed an excellent season in 2012, taking three of the five RSPBA major championships, including the World’s, and earning the Grade 2 Champion of Champions title. While the band won’t know for certain if it will be competing in Grade 1 in 2013, and has to wait for the RSPBA’s final decision, Pipe-Major Dave Clunie is already preparing mentally for the challenge.

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Clunie, a veteran leader of Grade 1 bands in the now-defunct Tayside Police and Clan Gregor Society, has been in charge of Denny & Dunipace for two years. With him over the two years is Leading-Drummer Arthur Cook, a winner of the World Solo Drumming Championship and the former L-D in Grade 1 for many years with the Lothian & Borders Police Pipe Band.

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Formed in 1964, Denny & Dunipace has been in Grade 1 before, upgraded in 1989 and then falling victim to the “graveyard” syndrome, dropping back to Grade 2 and then Grade 3 until it was built up again.

Clunie, in a pipes|drums video interview, discussed the objective of making the top grade, the pitfalls and perils that an upgrade can bring to any band, and, if the opportunity presents itself, how he and Denny & Dunipace Gleneagles would rise to the challenge.