#TBT: “The Winter of Our Discontent”

and even Scotland. They get invited here to freeze their hindquarters and slip around on icy sidewalks while wearing brogues. The contest is inside, of course, so you are either deafened by the crash of drums and so many dried-out bagpipes in one room, or you catch your death walking to the pub. This is also the contest where total professional prize money if you win all three events is $75, and the entry fees are $12 per event. You do the math. Still, it’s a great “ice breaker” for the season.

March brings the most celebrated Scottish day in North America: St. Patrick’s Day! St. Patrick came from Scotland, right, so that’s why all over the world, Scottish bands, playing Scottish tunes and instruments, get called up to play. Hey, if they don’t ask, I’m not telling. That’s my policy. Every year, our band makes three or four days out of this, and there’s always at least one puzzled – possibly sober – bar patron who says, “So . . . I don’t get it. Why are all these Scottish bands out on St. Patrick’s Day?”

Faith and begorrah! Who cares?! Get your green vest, a green tie, and some sparkly Irish party wear, and off you go! If you start with “Minstrel Boy,” and finish with jigs. “It’s all good,” as the kids say. There are a few cautions for this one, however. St. Patrick’s Day has started to take on the flavour of big urban festivals, where people wear masks and costumes and get away with behaviours that would be criminal code offences on other days. Also, bar owners seem to think there is something appealing about gassy draft beer with green food colouring. No matter how festive you feel – don’t drink the green beer.

So great has been the draw of these Scottish events, that even the Irish are having them now! Dublin has tried to re-capture its own event by hosting the St. Patrick’s Festival, and you’d best check out St. Paddy’s Day in Russia. If your band is looking for that really special St. Paddy’s Day gig, maybe Moscow, Seoul, or Munich is where you need to go?

Q: What’s green, two miles long, and has an ass every three feet? A: Any St. Patrick’s Day parade.

The spring months fly past in a whirl of indoor contests, first attempts at new medleys, and breaking in the new piobaireachds. We labour to get the green dye out of the system, and to subdue memories of green pancakes, green muffins, and lashings of . . .